A Beautiful Morning

This morning is a beautiful morning. I went out to water the garden and take in some fresh air with my coffee. There is a slight breeze and it is just beautiful right now. I think I am going to stay home do some laundry and relax today.

The last couple days have been better days. I still feel pregnant and still hurt but Monday I got a taste of what I could be going through all the time. I am thankful I don't feel like that on a daily basis. I can usually lie down and get relief and that was the first day during this pregnancy I had mental meltdown. I still won't be walking or shopping much but at least I can keep up the house and family.

I decided to make a list of the things I am thankful for today. I am thankful I have a wonderful husband who puts up with me and helps me through each day. Thank you honey. I know you are truly concerned for me and love me. I am thankful for my children who are healthy. We do not have any major drama going on at this moment. Thank you September for all your help to mama. Thank you Wynter for making me laugh. Thank you Derek for always being so concerned for me and asking me if I need anything. I am thankful that I am not bed ridden, I can feel my baby moving, and I can keep up my daily life. I am thankful that God is with me everyday and hears my prayers. He can even answer them in an instant on occasion. I am thankful for my sisters for being there for me when I need someone to lean on and for listening to things I would not tell anyone else. I am thankful for my sisters in the faith who are my true friends and who I know will be there for me in my times of need. Thank you to all my sisters. I have plenty more to be thankful for but the list could get extremely long. These are the things I am thankful for today.

The kids are finally over the chicken pox completely. I am glad to have that over and done with. I am looking forward to getting around my sisters and get back to church. I missed those things. Yesterday I was able to get out with a few of the girls. We meet at Sis. Cherrie's. They cleaned their vans and I watched. It is not like me not to pitch in but really truly the girls understood and I just enjoyed the visiting. The kids had a lot of fun. September helped me make lunch for the kids. Thank you sis. I was tired just from sitting out in the heat. I know the girls had to be exhausted. They were all beat red from working so hard.

Today has started out as a good day. I hope everyone else can have a great day!!

HELP! I CAN'T GET UP!!

This weekend I had decided to groom Daisey. Well normally I will sit on the floor to do this but the last couple of months it has gotten very hard to get up off the floor. So I thought I would use a little step stool to sit on. Wrong decision. It takes 30 minutes to an 1 hour to groom Daisey properly. She is pretty good about sitting and letting me have my way. Never the less, I get ready to get up from the position I have been in for 45 minutes and nothing happened. My upper thigh muscles and muscles around my pelvis would not respond. I was stuck. Luckily it was the weekend and Kevin was home. I had to have the kids go get him for me and he had to pull me up. The pain was excruciating. I have vowed to not do that again to myself. To look back it was slightly comical though.

Today I feel miserable. The pelvic pain won't let up even when I am still. Today I could just have a good cry but that would do me no good. Most days I can bear the pain. I just have to lie down and not move between chores.

Due to this mishap and the way I feel today I have decided to write this letter to myself. A reminder of what this pregnancy has been like and why I should not carry any more children. Not because I wouldn't love one or two more but because I really don't think I can physically carry anymore.

I will start out with the things I enjoy. I love knowing I am creating a new life. One that I will love tremendously and that will give me so much joy back. Having children is a true miracle.

All the things I remember enjoying with my other pregnancy's has been zapped with all the crazy new issues I have had with this pregnancy. I started out with the normal morning sickness. Not a big deal, well expected. Then came the headaches out of the blue. I very seldom have headaches so this was very abnormal for me. Thank goodness God allowed for them to go away. They hit me in the middle of morning sickness so my house, I have to say, was on the back burner. All I could do was lie still and in the moments that I felt half way like myself take care of who and what I could. Not good moments.

My morning sickness went away after the second month. The headaches were gone by the third. Then came the pelvic pain. I have been hurting since the third month with this. As my swollen tummy grew the pain got worse. I had some pain with Wynter that was similar but different. With Wynter it only hurt when I walked too much. I pretty much stopped my walking routine with her and it was much better. This time, however, it has only gotten worse. In the third month the pain was just nagging. Then it started affecting my walking and at times my right leg just did not want to move very well. I kind of just got numb to the pain and went about my life. I just pushed through. Now nearing my sixth month I know that it will be only through the grace of God that I will be able to make to the end of this pregnancy without being bed ridden.

In my really bad moments I say prayers and God does give me relief now and then. I know that this is something that I have to go through. I received a prophecy right before I found out I was expecting. It told me that I would have a trial and that I would have to do a lot of praying. I feel this is part of that trial and that I will make it through. I hope it makes me stronger and will give me knowledge to help someone else that crosses my life path. I am very excited to meet my little one and will do my best to get through this with flying colors. I pray that God will continue to have mercy and allow me to be able to take care of my family.

Almost Done with Chicken Pox

Well all my children are going to get this chicken pox thing over with. I am thrilled. I ,however being pregnant, will have to worry about one more child getting it. Should not be a big deal with just one though.

Derek is absolutely covered. Even worse than September was. He has chicken pox on top of chicken pox literally. He has been pretty miserable.

Wynter has a very light case. We found two Monday night and about six more Tuesday. This morning she looks like she has a few more but nothing major. She still has time to break out with more but still nothing compared to my other two. Hopefully she has it enough not to catch it again.

Fun, fun, fun at the Swank's.

My Coffee Buddy

I like to start my morning eating a high fiber cereal and a glass of juice as soon as I wake up. Then I allow myself a cup of coffee. As long as it is not really bad out I like to go outside and sip my coffee. Enjoying the morning air and the outdoor noises (bird chirping ect.).

Many morning I enjoy this quite moment with my youngest daughter Wynter. Ever since she was itty bitty she has loved a sip of mama's coffee. Some may disagree with this but it used to be just that a sip. No harm done. Now she would finish the whole cup off for me if I let her. Which I do not. Never the less I enjoy these little moments with my daughter. It is something that only Wynter and I have together. Almost a little daily routine.

Wynter is very talkative and loves to watch the birds fly from tree to tree. A definite animal lover. I love just to sit and hold her, have 4 year old conversations, and watch the world through her eyes. Special moments with my special little girl.

A Full Weekend

Well, this weekend was a pretty good weekend. Saturday we stuck around the house doing chores, swimming, and having a little family time. Kevin went to help his dad build some stairs.

Saturday night I found a chicken pox behind Derek's ear. I told him by morning he would be covered. He was in denial. He woke up with the spots so I have another couple weeks in again. He was running a fever and feeling pretty awful. He has a hurt ankle to so he is pretty miserable right now. He did sleep through the night though. I was very thankful for that.

Saturday at midnight my brother called me (this was way too late for me) and said that he was going to be down Sunday. He was taking a weekend trip with his friend Tim McCracken. They drove over for the Vici hayride and it was such a quick trip I did not expect to see them. They got here for lunch around one and we had an excellent visit and played Farckle. I love when my family gets to come see me. I don't have any of my family here and I don't always realize how much I miss them until they are here and they leave again.

Me and my bro!

Wynter cheez'n it up with her Uncle Steven.

Uncle Steven, Derek (w/chicken pox), Wynter, and September.

Steven and Tim on their road trip.

My weekend turned out to be a good weekend. I feel sorry for Derek and hope that he can feel better soon. September felt pretty rough for three days so that is what I am expecting for him. I hope Wynter comes down with them in the next couple days so that there won't be any more worry about getting out and infecting anyone else.

I am glad I decided to keep school going through the summer so that we can take a brake when the baby is born. The kids have been able to stay pretty busy and not be too bored with us having to be home so much. I am looking forward to enjoying this baby and taking in all those little moments.

Insomnia

I think I am officially in the phase of getting little or no sleep at night. I was hoping it was a one night thing but it has continued. I never have gotten great sleep during this pregnancy but this is just ridiculous. Oh well, you have to role with the punches and pray.

My dear husband has been very good to me, however, and has tried to let me sleep or at least rest in the mornings instead of having me get up to make his lunch. He has had a lot of patience with this pregnancy also. It is a joint effort even if I am the one carrying the baby. He tries to do his part along side me.

I love you honey. Thank you for loving me so much.

Dear September,

You are now becoming a little lady. You are going to be 11 in a month and oh all the changes you have went through throughout the years. Being the first sibling is not always the easiest but you have taken the role gracefully. Mom understands because I was the eldest also. You are the one that your dad and I get to try things out on and have to say no to the first time out on things. I am glad that you are a strong, understanding young lady.

This year has been a full year for you. You are excelling in your school work and with your piano. You are a natural at the piano. You are flying through your lessons with no repeats. You have your mama's and grandma Acree's hands. Long beautiful fingers to play the piano with.

You have a beautiful voice and love music. I can catch you at any moment singing with your mp3 player in your ear. You are a definite bookworm and love to draw. If you are not doing school or chores you are either listening to music and drawing or reading one of your favorite books. Right now that is Nancy Drew. You are kind and loving to your brother and sister. Even though you do have your moments when you want your space or they get into your things.

You take very good care of your dog Daisey. You are very responsible with her and I don't usually have to help out with her to much. Even though she is your dog she is loved by the whole family.

You are very excited about mom having this baby. You are ready to be a second mom to the baby. You tell me how excited you are to help out by rocking, playing, and even changing the babies diapers. You brave little soul. You have been a tremendous help to me since I have felt so bad this pregnancy. You are learning to do laundry and can pick up the house really well for me. You are learning to cook. Right now you could make a couple of meals, if need be, on your own. I am very proud of you and thankful for all of your help. You very seldom complain and I want you to know how much I truly appreciate having you as my daughter.

I hope that we can have a closeness throughout the years. I don't need to be your best friend. You are going to have girlfriends throughout your life to fill that role. I do want to be your confidant and hope that you always feel you can trust me. Even though some of your hardest years are still to come I pray that God can prepare us for those times. September baby we have a lot in common. One of those things is our stubbornness and independence. Qualities I myself are proud to have. My prayers are that you can become a smart, strong, faithful women who wants to serve God and who loves her family. You are on your way there sweetheart.

Your Loving and Proud Mother

Fourth of July and Sleeplessness

Last night I officially had the worst night of my pregnancy. I could not fall into REM sleep for nothing. The baby was beating me up all night and I just could not get comfortable.

I had a very full week. September is finally not contagious and my other children have not had any signs of the chicken pox. Kevin had the beginning of the week off so I convinced him to get us out of the house. We shopped all day Tuesday. I had not been out for over a month. I found some really good deals on maternity clothes. I love clearance shopping. I found some very cute maternity jeans for $8.99 and some other really good deals. Yeah!!

The Fourth was full of cleaning and preparing for company. Kevin's family came over for dinner and fireworks. The guys had fun playing ping-pong. We also had homemade ice-cream. Kevin and I made peanut butter cup ice cream. We bought our first ice-cream maker this weekend. Our ice-cream turned out perfect. It was really good. We were quite impressed with ourselves.

The kids enjoyed doing fireworks. This is Wynter doing sparklers. We let off a couple big fireworks and asked her what she thought of it. Her response was, "It didn't do it for me yet." What is she twenty-five or something. It was hilarious to hear these words come from a four year old. We all had a good laugh. She enjoyed every bit of it.

This is Derek enjoying being a boy playing with fire. This is one of the first years that he has really had fun with the fireworks. Up until he was around seven he was always very sensitive to the loud noises and dreaded doing fireworks.

This is September helping light the fireworks. She enjoyed being able to be in control of letting off a majority of the fireworks. Control is a key word here.

Pictures of everyone at the house.

Well, after all this we went to bed and I could not go to sleep. I tried 2 beds and the couch. We did, however, have a really good day and evening for the fourth.

Dear Derek,

Derek you are my brave little man. Though you are young you inspire me. I see everyday, through you, how to love God no matter what trials we have to go through. You are my soft hearted little man.

You are very smart but you always question yourself in school. You double check every answer to make sure it is right. You can not handle getting wrong answers or to get anything but an A plus. You will get so upset you will cry over a bad grade, which you get seldom.

You love your cat Solo. He is your baby. Whenever you are feeling down or sad you go out and cuddle him and he makes you feel better. Whenever you are having a bleed you can count on Solo to help the pain go away for the moment. Emotionally you are very soft hearted. This is a personality trait that I want you to keep. Being a sensitive man is very important. Your dad and I just have to help you with being confident and then you will be brilliant. Physically, scrawny as you are, you are very strong. You deal with so much being a Hemophiliac. I can not even explain to you how much it hurts me to know that you have inherited this from me. I can only tell you son that God has great things for some of us to do and go through. Though a great trial, this is one that God has chosen for you to have. I know that God only gives us as much as we can handle and that God must have such a wonderful plan for you. I pray everyday that I am able to teach you the things that you will need to follow the straight path so that you can do the great things he has for you to do.

Your life however does not only consist of hemophilia. You love anything Star Wars. You have quite a collection going on between your dad's boyhood collection and your own collection. You love to play video games, baseball (very carefully), ride your bike, swim, and to play with your sisters. You love your new bike and scare me half to death when you ride it.

You are excited about the new babies arrival. You don't say much but you are always asking me if the baby is moving so you can feel it. You hope for a boy so that you can teach him how to be a good brother. If he has hemophilia you say you will teach him how to be careful and will protect him. If he is not a hemophiliac you will just be a good brother and be happy there is another boy in the family. It is very important to you that the boys catch-up to the girls in numbers. If it is a girl you will love it but will probably be slightly disappointed. We will wait and see though.

Derek I love you will all my heart. I could not ask for a braver or more loving little boy. I am thankful God gave you to me.

Your Loving and Proud Mother